2014 Wedgie Awards

The Wedgie Awards were a real thing. We're bringing them back.

At tonight's LHENA holiday party we'll be handing out trophies to some of the neighborhood's wackiest characters to honor their amazing performances in 2014. We're revealing the names of Wedgie recipients in advance on the blog, but don't tell the winners. And you should still come to the holiday party. I don't want to be the only transient turd in the punch bowl. That can get unbearably awkward.

Best Comedy

The nominees:

• Lady who asked during a meeting, "who's the Palestinian guy we don't like?" This was when she couldn't remember Basim Sabri's name.
• The time LHENA coordinator Tina Erazmus' daughter sabotaged her mom's ringtone, then called the phone during the final presentation of Lander's 2320 Colfax to LHENA. It played for ten seconds at full volume before Tina realized she was the obnoxious hip-hopper in the room.
• The time the Board Member from MRRDC proposed that LHENA hold a joint fundraiser with Healy Project, formalizing the alliance between our neighborhood's Axis of Long-Timers (LHENAMRRDCHealyProject.org).

The Wedgie goes to: The time the LHENA Board was considering two candidates for appointment to a single open board seat. After a vigorous 5-minute campaign that included one of the candidates (Pet Supply Guy) explaining he would be unable to attend any board meetings, there was a tie. Following much deliberation, the LHENA board broke the tie in favor of transient hero, political juggernaut, and guy who CAN attend the meetings, Michael Roden.

Outstanding Performance in Shameless House Advocacy

The Wedgie goes to: Anders Christensen for calling out the City's Z&P Committee as a bunch of heartless bastards for allowing a property owner to sell/shut down his boarding house. This was only a month after Anders brought a proposal to LHENA that would have shut down the same boarding house. 

Most Scatter-Brained Anti-Development Rhetoric

The nominees:

• Task Force Leader Bill's contention that certain Greenway buildings are "15 minutes from a ghetto."
• Board Member Bill invoking "the big G word" (gentrification) as a reason to oppose development at Franklin & Lyndale.
• Months later, in his capacity as Landlord Bill (I guess?), he would advocate for the neighborhood to demand only the finest materials be used in new developments; that there is no difference between $5,000 rents and $1,500 rents; and that it's not really the neighborhood's responsibility to push for housing affordability anyway.

The Wedgie goes to: It's a three-way tie between Task Force Leader, Board Member, and Landlord Bill. 

Most Misremembered History

The Wedgie goes to: LHENA Board Member Sue for constantly citing the location of 19th century Lake Blaisdell as a reason not to develop the parking lot at Franklin and Lyndale. For the record, the lake was east of Lyndale.

Runner up: Mean-spirited rumors that some of our neighborhood's long-timers are old enough to have swum in 19th century Lake Blaisdell.

Best Lesson in Neighborhood Democracy

The Wedgie goes to: The time Board Member Tim said there would be a neighborhood vote on Lander's 2320 Colfax project. A majority turned out in support (many of whom had better things to do), but the vote never happened. Lesson learned: LHENA only votes on development issues when they have the numbers to oppose.